I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
