Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
