I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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