I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
