In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
