Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
