you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
