End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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