shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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