So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize