I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
