i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
