I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
