He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
