remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize