If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize