let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
