he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
