Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
