I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's blow job season.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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