hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
