There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im holly from the hills drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just want nice things and good sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Randomize
