you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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