when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
