the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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