thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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