physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
