I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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