He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
