Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
