I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize