I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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