My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
two words...techno handjob
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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