Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
