First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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