Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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