Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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