something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
