shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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