IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
