Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
