Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
