I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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