Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
