You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
