never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
