How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
