Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
then he tried to convert me to islam
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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