Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
