so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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