Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
