Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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