my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Mom said you looked used
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
