I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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