With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize