He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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