Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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