So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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