Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
