okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
