you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Vodka?
Forever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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