i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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