drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
