I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
