omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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