I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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