you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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