in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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