mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
